One of the hardest moments in life is when you lose someone you love. And when you’re grieving, the thought of sitting down to write the obituary for that person can seem unbearable. But in a nutshell, an obituary is more than an informational alert — it’s an opportunity to remember, honor, and celebrate the life of someone profoundly important. In this guide, I will explain all the steps involved in writing an obituary and offer leading tips, which blend practicalities with the sense of heart that is so essential when writing about someone you cared about, based on my own experiences as well as numerous conversations with others who have done the same.
Why Writing an Obituary Matters
An obituary is not just a formality — it can be a deeply personal act. It offers friends, family, and even strangers a glimpse at who your loved one was and the person whom they affected. The act of writing one can even be therapeutic, part of the grieving and thinking process in an emotionally heavy time.
At its heart, a well-written obituary does three things:
- It informs: Letting people know about the death and details of any services.
- It honors: Sharing the person’s achievements, character, and values.
- It links: Closure and memories for future generations.
When I sat down to write my uncle's obituary, I discovered that it wasn’t about concocting the perfect summary, but about expressing what made him him. He was warmth, he was jokes, he was the one who never missed a Sunday game — it all fit into just a few selectively chosen paragraphs.
Gather What You’ll Need First
Before writing anything, collect the essential facts. This helps ensure accuracy and saves time during an already stressful period. Here’s a helpful checklist to start with:
- Full name (include maiden name if needed)
- Birth and death dates and locations
- Names of close surviving and predeceased relatives
- Career, hobbies, major life milestones
- Funeral or memorial details
- Donation or memorial information (if applicable)
If you are coordinating with other members of the family, a shared document can keep everyone organized. And if the memories start flooding in and seem overwhelming, tools like JustDone can help you whittle down long stories or notes into shorter reflections.
How to Structure an Obituary: A Step-by-Step Guide
If you are wondering how to write an obituary, follow this simple form. It however breaks it down into manageable sections to ensure no stone is left unturned.
When thinking about how to write an obituary, it helps to follow a simple structure. Breaking it into sections makes the task more manageable and ensures nothing important is missed.
1. Start with the Basics
Open with the full name, age, and when and where the person passed away. A line like this works well:
“Margaret Rose Thompson, 84, passed away peacefully at her home in Denver on March 4, 2024, surrounded by her children.”
2. Share Key Life Details
Mention where and when they were born, who their parents were, and any significant life events—marriage, education, military service, career accomplishments.
3. Highlight the Person Behind the Facts
This is where the obituary becomes more personal. Describe their passions, quirks, and what made them special. Were they a devoted gardener? A beloved teacher? A prankster at heart? These details matter.
4. List Family Members
Name immediate family members who survive them (spouse, children, grandchildren) and those who preceded them in death. It’s okay to keep this part concise—readers appreciate clarity.
5. Include Service Information
If you’re planning a funeral, memorial, or celebration of life, include the time, date, and place. Let people know if the service is private or open to all.
6. Mention Charitable Donations
If the family prefers donations instead of flowers, include the charity name and any donation links or addresses.
Setting the Tone: Keep It True to the Person
The tone of an obituary depends on the person you’re writing about and the audience reading it. Some are straightforward and formal. Others are warm and conversational. There’s no single “right” way—what matters most is authenticity.
Tips for Writing Style:
- Be respectful: Ensure all information is accurate and names are spelled correctly.
- Keep it focused: You don’t need to tell every story—just the ones that capture the essence of who they were.
- Use simple language: Write as though you’re talking to a friend.
- Add a personal touch: A favorite quote, a family joke, or a unique habit can make the tribute truly memorable.
Real Obituary Examples for Inspiration
Seeing real examples can help you feel more confident. Here are two approaches to consider:
Traditional Format:
Robert James Ellis, 81, of Columbus, passed away on November 22, 2023. Born to Clara and Henry Ellis on April 9, 1942, Robert spent 35 years as a high school science teacher. He is survived by his wife of 55 years, Carol, two sons, and four grandchildren. A memorial service will be held at Grace Lutheran Church on December 1 at 11 a.m. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Alzheimer’s Association.
More Personal Style:
Liam Patrick O’Connor, 67, left this world on January 18, 2024, surrounded by his favorite music and family. A gifted storyteller and self-taught mechanic, Liam could fix anything and made everyone feel at home in his garage. He leaves behind his daughter, two grandkids, and countless friends who’ll miss his laugh. Join us for a celebration of Liam’s life on January 26 at Pine Ridge Park. Come as you are—he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
Use these as blueprints, and then make your obituary reflect the voice and soul of the person you’re honoring.
How and Where to Submit the Obituary
Once it’s written, it’s time to publish it. Here’s what to know:
- Follow publication rules: Newspapers and funeral homes often have word limits and style preferences.
- Proofread: Mistakes in names or dates are common, so ask another person to review it with fresh eyes.
- Contact details: Some papers require your phone number or email in case they need confirmation.
- Consider online memorials: Websites and social platforms allow for longer tributes, photo slideshows, and messages from friends. These digital options are increasingly popular.
Navigating the Emotional Side of Writing
Writing an obituary isn’t just about words—it’s about emotions. You may find yourself crying, laughing, or even feeling stuck. That’s okay. You don’t need to rush through it.
Here’s what can help:
- Take breaks when it gets overwhelming.
- Invite others to share stories or proofread.
- Use tools if you're struggling to begin—sometimes a little nudge from an AI writing assistant can help you find your voice.
Writing about someone you love can be painful, but it’s also a way to keep their spirit alive. When I wrote about my brother, I found myself remembering things I hadn’t thought of in years. It was like rediscovering pieces of him in the process.
Avoiding Common Mistakes
Even with care, it’s easy to overlook something. Here are a few missteps to watch out for:
- Leaving out key information (like service times or close relatives)
- Getting too wordy or vague—stick to vivid, specific memories
- Missing deadlines or formatting rules for local publications
A smart approach? Write a rough draft first, then use a summarizing tool to refine it. You’d be surprised how much clearer things become with a little help trimming and polishing.
Final Thoughts: Writing with Heart
Learning how to write an obituary doesn’t mean you need to be a professional writer. You just need to speak from the heart. This is your chance to celebrate someone’s life in your own words, to make sure they’re remembered the way they’d want to be. With a bit of planning, a little help from modern tools like those offered by JustDone, and the support of your community, you can write an obituary that honors your loved one’s life and brings comfort to everyone who reads it.
